Recently I have had to pay my local hospital a few visits, normally I don’t bother and I always head up to London to see Mr Consultant. However a few months ago I found myself at my GP’s and then referred to the Local hospital and it was then that it was realised there are absolutely no notes of mine there anymore, they didn’t get passed on when I got to old for the children’s hospital and Mr Consultant hasn’t done clinics locally for years. This is not something I’ve ever given much thought to (I naively assumed that basic records would be available from the children’s hospital or because I’ve been there for tests or maybe via a NHS internal-web-like system) but apparently this is a major problem as I was told by an A+E doctor “If you get hit by a bus, no one would be able to treat you properly and that could have fatal consequences”, wonderful. I didn’t mention that I always wait for the green man.

So after paying A+E a visit I now have notes at my local hospital, but I need a consultant there as well apparently (which is fair enough) and a few weeks a go I went back to the hospital to meet Mrs local Consultant (MLC) and have her do some tests and get to know my history, awesome, fine, not a problem. There was one problem however, MLC didn’t believe anything I said and more annoyingly did not understand my humour and humour is a vital part of my hospital visits, but that’s for another time.

Pretty much the whole session was her asking me questions like “do you drink a lot of alcohol?”

“Not often, and not much when I do, I’m a light-weight”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes…?”

After that it was pretty much the same about drugs, smoking, walking, eating habits etc and then this happened:

“what are your birth control needs?”

“I’m sorry what?”

“Birth control, has someone spoken to you about what you can and can’t take?”

Yes, when I was 16 we had the chat”

“ok so what are your current birth control needs?”

“I have none, I mainly use my personality”.

“Hummmmm….” *unhappy face*

Awkward. I’m unsure if she didn’t get it, believe me or whole heartily agreed that it was probably true.

So after I went on about with my life and pretty much forgot all about it until I got a letter the other day (just as usual after a check up) and upon reading it a few things jumped out at me, my favourite being “…the potential catastrophe should she develop a thrombus..” I really really like the use of the term ‘potential catastrophe’, and based on that alone I think that maybe, my first impression of Mrs Local Consultant might have been wrong, there are also other bit in there that made me think that maybe she does get me.

Luckily she has decided I’m okay and don’t need to see her for another 2 years, unless of course, I get hit by that bus…..