Young and Reckless, Young and Breathless.

Recently I heard the words I needed to hear but until he said them I didn't  realise I needed them.
 Sometimes I get all ‘bloody minded’, I do things that might make me ill, I don’t always take my medicine, keep walking when I know I should stop and go out when I should get some sleep and I have my reasons, from saving money to not wanting to look stupid or let people down.
I’m not stupid and I know that I could be doing myself more harm then good, but I never really considered what that could actually mean.
When I get ill I’m the one in hospital, I’m the one they are opening up and I’m the one that hurts. What he made me think about is my family, the ones sitting their by my bedside, the ones that say goodbye knowing that it could be for the last time, dealing with the uncertainty, if anything I have the easy part. They are always there, as are my friends, the ones who pay to get the bus with me even though they could walk but know I can’t, the one who will grab me a water while I have to go sit down, the one who hear the words ‘sorry not tonight, I don’t feel great’ all too often. These are the people he made me really think about.
Sometimes when I can’t go out again, or walking up the stairs knackers me or I don’t have enough money for something because I can’t work full time, or I do something then can’t move the next day I just don’t see the point, and wonder if its worth it. But there is a point, and everything is worth it because of these people, my family and my friends.
If anything happened to the people I love and care about it wouldn’t just upset me, it would crush me and the last thing I would want to do is make myself ill and put them through everything that goes with it or worse, just because I gave in.
I’m not in a position where I can say what’s going to happen in the future, and no doctor can predict much either until it happens.
So if paying the extra to get the bus home means I get some extra time with my younger brother and sister then what is £2? If putting a reminder on my phone to take my medicine everyday means I get to hang out with my Nan for longer then what’s a little inconvenience? And if staying home some nights means I get to see more of my friends in the long run then send me to bed, and if going to my doctor more often means my Mum and Dad don’t get crushed then I will go everyday! Because its not just about me, this effects everyone I love. So for every time I have forgotten this, I’m sorry, and for every time I have a bad day and a whinge and cry I apologise, but despite all the crap I will not give in and to everyone of my family and friends I promise this. Always.
Thank you deadXstop

You Might Also Like