Recently I have had to pay my local hospital a few visits, normally I don’t bother and I always head up to London to see Mr Consultant. However a few months ago I found myself at my GP’s and then referred to the Local hospital and it was then that it was realised there are absolutely no notes of mine there anymore, they didn’t get passed on when I got to old for the children’s hospital and Mr Consultant hasn’t done clinics locally for years. This is not something I’ve ever given much thought to (I naively assumed that basic records would be available from the children’s hospital or because I’ve been there for tests or maybe via a NHS internal-web-like system) but apparently this is a major problem as I was told by an A+E doctor “If you get hit by a bus, no one would be able to treat you properly and that could have fatal consequences”, wonderful. I didn’t mention that I always wait for the green man.
So after paying A+E a visit I now have notes at my local hospital, but I need a consultant there as well apparently (which is fair enough) and a few weeks a go I went back to the hospital to meet Mrs local Consultant (MLC) and have her do some tests and get to know my history, awesome, fine, not a problem. There was one problem however, MLC didn’t believe anything I said and more annoyingly did not understand my humour and humour is a vital part of my hospital visits, but that’s for another time.
Pretty much the whole session was her asking me questions like “do you drink a lot of alcohol?”
“Not often, and not much when I do, I’m a light-weight”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes…?”
After that it was pretty much the same about drugs, smoking, walking, eating habits etc and then this happened:
“what are your birth control needs?”
“I’m sorry what?”
“Birth control, has someone spoken to you about what you can and can’t take?”
Yes, when I was 16 we had the chat”
“ok so what are your current birth control needs?”
“I have none, I mainly use my personality”.
“Hummmmm….” *unhappy face*
Awkward. I’m unsure if she didn’t get it, believe me or whole heartily agreed that it was probably true.
So after I went on about with my life and pretty much forgot all about it until I got a letter the other day (just as usual after a check up) and upon reading it a few things jumped out at me, my favourite being “…the potential catastrophe should she develop a thrombus..” I really really like the use of the term ‘potential catastrophe’, and based on that alone I think that maybe, my first impression of Mrs Local Consultant might have been wrong, there are also other bit in there that made me think that maybe she does get me.
Luckily she has decided I’m okay and don’t need to see her for another 2 years, unless of course, I get hit by that bus…..
Recently I heard the words I needed to hear but until he said them I didn't realise I needed them.
Sometimes I get all ‘bloody minded’, I do things that might make me ill, I don’t always take my medicine, keep walking when I know I should stop and go out when I should get some sleep and I have my reasons, from saving money to not wanting to look stupid or let people down.
I’m not stupid and I know that I could be doing myself more harm then good, but I never really considered what that could actually mean.
When I get ill I’m the one in hospital, I’m the one they are opening up and I’m the one that hurts. What he made me think about is my family, the ones sitting their by my bedside, the ones that say goodbye knowing that it could be for the last time, dealing with the uncertainty, if anything I have the easy part. They are always there, as are my friends, the ones who pay to get the bus with me even though they could walk but know I can’t, the one who will grab me a water while I have to go sit down, the one who hear the words ‘sorry not tonight, I don’t feel great’ all too often. These are the people he made me really think about.
Sometimes when I can’t go out again, or walking up the stairs knackers me or I don’t have enough money for something because I can’t work full time, or I do something then can’t move the next day I just don’t see the point, and wonder if its worth it. But there is a point, and everything is worth it because of these people, my family and my friends.
If anything happened to the people I love and care about it wouldn’t just upset me, it would crush me and the last thing I would want to do is make myself ill and put them through everything that goes with it or worse, just because I gave in.
I’m not in a position where I can say what’s going to happen in the future, and no doctor can predict much either until it happens.
So if paying the extra to get the bus home means I get some extra time with my younger brother and sister then what is £2? If putting a reminder on my phone to take my medicine everyday means I get to hang out with my Nan for longer then what’s a little inconvenience? And if staying home some nights means I get to see more of my friends in the long run then send me to bed, and if going to my doctor more often means my Mum and Dad don’t get crushed then I will go everyday! Because its not just about me, this effects everyone I love. So for every time I have forgotten this, I’m sorry, and for every time I have a bad day and a whinge and cry I apologise, but despite all the crap I will not give in and to everyone of my family and friends I promise this. Always.
xxx
Thank you deadXstop
